July 18, 2012, 5:50, Wed LSL
Sleepless middle night at the usual anxiety time around 4:00.
The best part was getting up at 3:30 and finding a huge black spider right at the light switch. It was exactly the one in “Through a Glass Darkly” over the bed and thus so very appropriate my seeing death so clearly yesterday. I just barely dare look up into the wall of trees and their accompanying lake where it de-peared, phenō-menalized as the final deepening of earth: my native soil like a tree’s that it only holds from above and blends into only so far. Earth indeed is place of death’s river of forgetfulness and the underworld and we engage it continu-ously repeatedly, even with melody and tenuous risky dialectics, for it is what holds and gathers us back like gravity, keeping our particularity, its offspring alive and functioning. We are held off its complete captivating and entrenchment (burial) inter(r)nment by our being pulled into the sky’s away ness, ever a-way up-held and hinged on it like those Paleo buffalo, stretched thereby lineately and en acte en mouvement. Isn’t that diffusion ( & of the earthy itself) also our intrabindedness that equally up-holds us if laterally, all these presencingeds interlacing just by the fait of their on same ” : like the plunge of each tree standing tall and strong, str-aight & vertical, seriously interdependent and chiastic [?] with each other & all the types of life that get support from them. ?
This Black is not the Horror of the Vision & doesn’t terrify me, at least not more than a bedroom spider half the size of my hand. It has taken me so long to become acquainted, perhaps even friends (philo) with, earth. The tenuousness (>con-tinu-um) of everything no matter how vital or elemental, of course, gets clearer. However, that magnifies the wonder of inextances, presencingeds, tents. Its eminently friendly, isn’t it D, to us all, en-y-thing for it is what holds us from below, su-pports & sus-tains us, [незр. слово] has and allows us our deepening an engathering to our particularity. […]